Understanding anger and emotional regulation in autistic children requires recognising their unique challenges and developmental needs.
While anger is a normal emotional response for both neurotypical and neurodiverse children, the triggers and ways it manifests can differ.
Why Emotional Regulation Is a Challenge
The brain of a child is still developing, especially the prefrontal cortex, which plays a key role in regulating emotions, impulse control, and problem-solving.
This means that children are naturally more prone to strong emotional reactions because their brains are not yet equipped to manage them effectively. For neurodiverse children, challenges such as autism or ADHD may amplify these difficulties.
Factors That Contribute to Emotional Dysregulation
- Communication Challenges
Autistic children or those with language delays may struggle to articulate their needs or feelings. When they cannot find the words to express themselves, it can lead to frustration and anger, often resulting in meltdowns or shutdowns. - Sensory Sensitivities
Children who are highly sensitive to sensory input may find certain sounds, textures, or bright lights overwhelming. These sensory overloads can create a heightened state of anxiety or distress, making emotional regulation even harder. - Changes in Routine
Predictability is comforting for many children, especially those with neurodiverse needs. Unexpected changes to schedules or routines can cause significant anxiety, which may express itself as anger or resistance.
‘These are situations that occur in typical daily life and can cause increased distress, worry, frustration and anger, lowered mood and self-image. Uncertainty may lead to missed opportunities for learning and fun, while also impacting on parental energy and well-being.’ [2] - Social Difficulties
Struggles with understanding social cues, feeling excluded, or navigating complex interactions can lead to feelings of isolation, sadness, or anger in both neurotypical and neurodiverse children.
How Caregivers Can Support Autistic Kids
Parents, caregivers, and educators play a critical role in helping children navigate their emotions and build self-regulation skills.
Helping Kids Understand Their Emotions
It’s important to teach children that all emotions are normal and temporary. By talking about emotions openly, adults can help children understand their feelings and learn coping strategies.
For instance, explaining how feelings come and go – like waves – helps children recognise that their anger or frustration won’t last forever. Over time, this understanding can build resilience and emotional intelligence.
To help children build self-regulation and coping skills, it is important to consider and adapt to their communication abilities and current level of comprehension.
Here are some other ways to provide emotional support for autistic kids:
1. Allow Time and Space for Communication
Children often feel frustrated when rushed and unable to explain their thoughts or feelings.
Providing a calm, unhurried environment where they feel heard can prevent minor frustrations from escalating.
Tip: Use open-ended questions like, “Can you tell me more about how you’re feeling?” and give them time to respond.
Sometimes it is best to wait a while once they have calmed down before initiating conversations whilst they are still heightened.
2. Recognise and Acknowledge Emotions
When signs of anger or frustration appear, let the child know that their feelings are valid. Sitting with them, offering comfort like a hug, or simply being present can help them feel supported.
Example: “I can see that you’re upset. It’s okay to feel that way. I’m here if you want to talk.”
3. Build Connection Through Play
Spending even a few minutes each day engaged in child-led play strengthens your bond with the child. This connection can lead to fewer conflicts during transitions like bedtime or getting ready for school.‘Play is an emotionally pleasing and creative experience that raises oxytocin levels.
The Oxytocin hormone boosts feelings of emotional well-being and trust. ‘[1]
Tip: Let the child choose the activity, follow and encourage their lead, or suggest something simple that you know they enjoy, like building blocks, drawing, or imaginative play.
4. Provide Sensory Tools
Sensory toys like fidget spinners, sensory cubes, or weighted blankets can be effective in helping a child regulate their emotions. These tools are most effective when introduced early, as soon as a child begins to show signs of dysregulation.
They also provide an opportunity for parents and children to explore together, enjoying the different sensations and discovering what their child finds most relaxing or enjoyable.
Tip: Create a “calm corner” with sensory items where the child can retreat when feeling overwhelmed.
5. Create Predictable Routines
Predictability can significantly reduce anxiety and help prevent potential anger triggers.
Establishing routines and preparing for changes helps children feel secure and in control of their environment.
How to Implement Predictable Routines:
- Visual Schedules: Use pictures, icons, or written schedules to outline daily activities clearly.
- Consistent Routines: Maintain regular patterns for daily tasks like meals, bedtime, or getting ready for school.
- Preparation for Changes: Whenever possible, inform your child in advance about any changes to their routine. Use simple explanations or visual aids to help them understand what to expect. Even if you’re not sure your child completely understands the explanation, still give it a go, you never know what they might take in and just how much it may help them prepare.
By creating a structured environment, you provide children with a sense of stability and predictability, which helps them feel more at ease and better equipped to handle transitions or unexpected events.
6. Incorporate Regular Physical Activity
Physical activity and creative pursuits are valuable tools for helping children release pent-up energy and manage their emotions effectively.
Regular exercise supports physical health while also promoting emotional well-being. Activities such as walking, running, swimming, or cycling provide opportunities for movement and energy release.Engaging in creative classes like dance, gymnastics, or martial arts not only serves as an outlet for energy but also boosts feel-good endorphins and encourages social connection.
These activities can help children feel more grounded, balanced, and prepared to handle daily challenges.
One study found that ‘physical exercise can not only improve the motor skills of autistic children and adolescents, but also has a positive impact on social communication ability, communication ability, and related symptoms.’[1]
7. Reinforce Behaviour
- Acknowledge Small Wins: Celebrate even small steps towards improvement, such as attempting to express emotions verbally or remaining calm in a frustrating situation.
- Provide Immediate Feedback: Offer praise or recognition as soon as the behaviour occurs.
- Use Meaningful Rewards: Not all children are reinforced by the same thing, some may not enjoy being praised. Ensure you identify what is reinforcing for your child and tailor rewards to your child’s preferences, such as extra playtime, stickers, or a favourite activity.
Example: “I noticed how calmly you asked for a break when you felt upset. That was a great choice!”
Many children thrive on attention, and consistent reinforcement fosters self-esteem, motivates them to repeat positive behaviours, and builds their confidence in managing emotions.
How Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA) Can Support Autistic Kids
Applied Behaviour Analysis (ABA) is a widely used approach to help autistic children develop essential skills and manage challenges such as anger, meltdowns, and emotional regulation. Modern approaches of ABA based therapy, informed by neurodiversity perspectives, focuses on supporting children’s unique needs while respecting their autonomy and individuality.
Rather than aiming to “fix” behaviours, neurodiversity-affirming ABA empowers children and families by teaching practical strategies to navigate everyday challenges.
Here’s how it can help with anger and meltdowns:
1. Understanding Triggers and Patterns
ABA involves a thorough analysis of the child’s environment, behaviour, and triggers to identify what precedes episodes of challenging behaviour such as anger and “meltdowns”.
By understanding these patterns, this allows for the implementation of proactive strategies to reduce the likelihood of the challenging behaviour occurring.
Caregivers can adjust routines, communication patterns or surroundings to reduce stressors that may contribute to distress and proactively teach new skills to help their child manage any known stressful situations that may occur.
For example, if a child becomes overwhelmed by transitions, an ABA therapist might systematically introduce visual schedules, timers or other supports to help the child navigate changes in a way that feels more engaging and less stressful.
2. Teaching Emotional Regulation Skills
One key focus of ABA is teaching children how to recognise and respond to their emotions.
Therapists use reinforcement to help children learn calming strategies and teaching new skills around emotions and emotional regulation, such as deep breathing, using sensory tools, or seeking support from a trusted adult. Over time, these skills become part of the child’s natural responses, reducing the intensity and frequency of emotional outbursts.
‘ABA’s structured, reinforcement-based methods play a critical role in teaching essential life skills to children with autism, facilitating their social interaction and emotional regulation. ‘[3]
3. Building Communication Skills
Communication challenges often contribute to frustration and meltdowns in autistic children.ABA based therapy can help children develop alternative ways to express their needs, whether through speech, sign language, or augmentative communication devices.For instance, a child might learn to use a picture exchange system (PECS) to indicate they need a break, rather than becoming overwhelmed and experiencing a meltdown.
4. Supporting Caregivers and Families
Modern approaches of ABA don’t just focus on the child – it involves parents, teachers, and caregivers to create a consistent, supportive environment.
Therapists provide tools and strategies families can use at home, such as creating sensory-friendly spaces or practising calming routines.
When caregivers feel equipped to handle challenges, the child benefits from a calmer, more understanding environment, reducing stress for everyone.
As caregivers, we don’t inherently possess all the skills needed to support our autistic children. ABA provides valuable tools and strategies, offering a holistic approach that supports both children and their families.
5. Strengthening Positive Behaviours
Through reinforcement, ABA encourages behaviours that help the child thrive, such as asking for help, using calming techniques, or following routines.
This approach focuses on celebrating the child’s successes and building on their strengths. Empowering children in this way fosters healthy self-worth and instils confidence, helping them feel capable and valued as they navigate their world.
6. Promoting Independence and Confidence
Ultimately, ABA based therapy helps children develop independence and confidence in navigating their emotions and the world around them.
By developing skills such as self-advocacy, emotional awareness, and communication, ABA supports autistic children in reaching their full potential without compromising their individuality.
Summary
Supporting autistic children through managing their big feelings such as those from anger and meltdowns takes patience, understanding, and consistent strategies. By combining techniques like sensory tools, predictable routines, and emotional guidance with modern ABA approaches, caregivers can create a safe and nurturing environment where children feel empowered to thrive.
Sources
- Global Trends in Physical-Activity Research of Autism: Bibliometric Analysis Based on the Web of Science Database (1980–2021)
- Caregiver perspectives on the impact of uncertainty on the everyday lives of autistic children and their families
- The effectiveness of applied behavior analysis program training on enhancing autistic children’s emotional-social skills